My wife found out Saturday through an ancestry.com DNA test that her dad is not her actual biological father. Her mother had a supposed one time incident with a man she found on Facebook through the names on the ancestry test. Her parents separated when she was 6. She wasn’t close with her dad over the years, but there was nothing ugly about it. Now she has been getting closer with him. She doesn’t want to tell him that he’s not her biological father, as that would hurt the relationship.
I told her she needs to tell him, because honesty is a building block of a relationship and that he’s still her father. If he finds out through the test that he took too (and didn’t put it together that she’s not his), then he will be devastated that she didn’t say anything. My question is, should she tell him or not?
I’ll support her decision either way, but I think honesty is the right thing. The right thing isn’t always the easy thing. I understand that her Dad, who raised her, will always be her true father to her.
I vote for no, there’s nothing to gain from telling him.
Except if he finds out later that she was hiding this from him deliberately that could be excruciatingly hurtful. Whereas telling him now, I think, is more likely to play out as a “I just found out but you’re still my dad regardless of genetics” thing.
Idk I feel like most dads would accept “I didn’t tell you because I was afraid it would change our relationship, when I really love what we have now and don’t want to lose it, and when no matter what the genes say, I’ll always think of you and love you as my dad” as a valid excuse.
This, many times over, this.
The upvotes to this are short-sighted and, as a step-dad myself, I can only wish the opposite we’re true. I cannot imagine having the rare chance at rebuilding a fractured relationship with my flesh & blood decades later and then hearing from them that it wasn’t technically accurate? 💀 No, the simple act of telling him would imply importance, and that is not the intent. Don’t. Please, don’t.
It’s reasonable to suspect that something like this might be important and denying him the truth is denying him agency to choose.
It may be the case that you would rather not know. How can you guarantee the same about another man you’ve never met?
You missed my point entirely. Please, reread.