The American electorate:

“There’s a horse. In the hospital.”

No I don’t! I tell the truth!

Damn moonspeak!

I’m just having a hard time imagining a scenario in which it would be offensive…

Plenty where it would be a little confusing. Sandra Dude O’Connor, or Susan Bro Anthony would take some explaining, at the least.

I loved swordfish steak the one time I had it, so I’d bet that Scylla, Charybdis, or the Kraken would be quite good.

Oh, also The Kraken is quite tasty.

It’s a little more expensive, but not dramatically so

Buying boxes of full-sized candy isn’t even that much more expensive than the fun-sized, and the psychological impact is immediate and dramatic. Every year I hear kids go “Woah, big candy bars!”

Those are some very specifically-drawn dildos.

I did not expect an absolutely savage takedown of capitalism in the middle of my Rogue One prequel. 10/10, would unionize my workplace.

One time in high school, I heard somebody yell “Steve, you [bundle of sticks], stop talking to your girlfriend and let’s go!” and Steve was in fact at the time talking to his girlfriend.

The sheer concentration of cognitive dissonance has stuck with me to this day.

This is literally the backstory of Blue Submarine No. 6

This is the whole “if humans were going to have wings we’d have to redesign the whole organism from the ground up” fiasco all over again.

Deep fried pecan pie on a stick!

Blacula is legitimately fantastic. It’s full-on a story about the lingering violence springing from European colonialism and the slave trade.

Just one example: The main character is an African prince, and his name is Mamuwalde, but when Dracula turns him, he says “I curse you with my name! You shall be called BLACULA!” For the rest of the film, no one calls him Blacula, because his name is Mamuwalde! Except there was one subtitle that slipped and read something like “BLACULA: I lost her because of you!”, and I immediately thought, “Hey you subtitling asshole, his goddamn name is Mamuwalde!”

By the end of the movie I was rooting for him in the fight with the LAPD.

Oddly enough, it’s three seashells, and everyone knows how they work.

80 percent-scale mock White House

I’m confused about this part. Does that mean it’s in basic outline correctly-sized but only has 80% as many rooms…

…or that the layout is exactly the same as the original, but everything is 20% smaller? Because then you’ve got issues with all the agents feeling like they’re seven feet tall.

“If I fall asleep, wake up 100 years later and somebody asks me, what is going on in Russia, my immediate answer will be: drinking and stealing”

–Alexander Rozenbaum

I worked on this story for a year…

I’m seeing a lot of games with awesome cover art but pretty standard gameplay for its era. You gotta pick something with truly dogshit gameplay to counter the cover. I present the NES game Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde:

I was the kid who liked to stand in the horror section of the video rental store, look at the covers, and read the descriptions of scary movies I was way too meek to ever actually watch. This comes along, and I think it looks pretty cool! My mom paid good money to rent this and so help me I spent a good chunk of my evening trying to figure out how to do… literally anything. I wandered back and forth as Dr. Jekyll for a while before I bumped into too many pedestrians and turned into Mr. Hyde. Then I wandered back and forth as Mr. Hyde until I believe a bird killed me. Never made it past the first level.

That is a truly horrendous game with badass-looking cover art.