Foods that are ruined by ambient humidity, that’s what kind.

Nah, prison system was made to keep slavery legal, disenfranchisement is just a bonus.

Yeah, that’s the quintessential dad joke, which they spun to match the monster theme.

“Suspension of plot or conclusion” are not really “things” at all, much less defining characteristics of humor. You just don’t get it, and that’s ok! It doesn’t make you less than or anything.

Dead/dad

Edit: “good-bite” is a pun too

Oh for sure, they don’t even flash unless you have one with the emergency mode.

It’s funny because you don’t expect kids to want there to be monsters under their beds. Typically, or rather trope-ically, children ask their parents to make sure there are no monsters under their beds and at first it would appear the same is true here. However, the child and parent themselves appear ghoulish, and when it’s revealed that there is in fact a monster under the bed, ostensibly the father as it is similarly ghoulish and tells a pretty decent double-layer dad joke, the child is relieved. It’s irony! And puns. And just good Halloween vibes, which I admit aren’t inherently humorous. But I’d argue they are almost always inherently light-hearted. I give it 9/10, especially compared to a lot of the shit I see posted around here.

It’s called a flashlight, or a “torch” in more primitive parts of the world…jk UK, love you crazy kooks.

Especially when I’m trying to catch walleye

Even if her numbers are right, it’s 16 every 45 years, then all of a sudden it’s 8 in 8 years. That should be pretty worrying to her.

Stress and anxiety often manifest physically, best-case-scenario is it’s just the metaphysical weight of their wretched deeds literally destroying their bodies.

If you call lakes of fire, wailing and gnashing of teeth, and eternal damnation to complete separation from The Light “respect,” then I totally get why you worship the dude. I guess he really did create you in his sadistic image. 😘

But by your own holy texts, it knew we would do that before the universe existed, much less the Garden of Eden. If it didn’t, then it’s not all-knowing, which means it’s not God. Either way, it’s not worthy of devotion or worship.

Legally? Yes. In the case of there being no evil until a god knowingly gave birth to its physical embodiment? Hell fucking yes. If we are God, so is Satan. Remember, “nothing—not one thing!—came into being without him.”- John 1:3

There’s no such thing as free will in a universe created by an all-powerful, all-knowing being who knows how many hairs are on your head. “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.” The Bible says he knows our every thought before we think it (Psalm 139). “All who dwell on earth will worship (the beast), everyone whose name has not been written before the foundation of the world in the book of life of the Lamb who was slain.” - Revelation 13:8. So your god knew who would and who wouldn’t be a Christian before it even created the universe. Some free will.

No, by Christian understanding, god made the universe and everything in it. That includes the human capacity for causing pain to others. God also decided our sexual characteristics should fully develop a decade before our mental and emotional capacity, not how I would have done it. It also includes childhood leukemia, SIDS, hydrocephalopathy, measles, polio, diabetes, cystic fibrosis, multiple sclerosis, etc, etc, etc. If god wasn’t a sadist, none of those things would exist. Either that or god didn’t create them because it doesn’t exist. These are the options available to you.

Stop thanking god for saving us from the evil it created, you sound like a chronically abused spouse defending their attacker. It’s Stockholm Syndrome of your Soul. And why do you keep ignoring 95% of my comments? Satan made evil but who made Satan?

He created children and child rape, how is he not?

Who made Satan? And why would God knowingly enter into a bargain over the souls he created with the embodiment of evil? Why does the most powerful being ever conceived need to prove anything to anyone? Much less someone he created.

But yeah, both are veeeery logical

I’m taking that as tacit agreement that your god is an egomaniacal sadist but you don’t mind cuz it’s old, just fyi