I’m very sorry for you.
FWIW, I had the totally opposite experience. Went to the nearest GP with no appointment, rattled down a long list of physical symptoms, then a long list of things that currently distress me. You could almost hear it click when they connected the dots. Got the good stuff immediately and it changed everything. Maybe it’s something to do with socialized medicine (I live in Europe), IDK.
DAE remember that movie White Noise? The climax was fucking horrifying and I have to admit that it haunted me for quite a while.
For better or worse, kids today probably won’t get it.