I wonder what his wife thinks.

I always assume that the menu card is filthy but I never even considered it may have gems from someone flossing with it. 🤮

Edit: I meant germs but gems could work in the sarcastic sense.

We finally have new windows and sliding glass door on our fixer-upper.

What a tweest!

Not sure where you are but some US states already have laws in place for “death with dignity.” And of course some European countries too.

When I’m out and about and I see parents dragging their whiny kids around, I’m filled with such relief I have peace and quiet in my life.

Funny you gave him the title of Knight of the Sofa. He had a spot on the back of our couch that is still dented to this day from his constant weight on it.

2020:

2024:

Sir Kitty was sensitive to the tone of my voice. If I was arguing with my husband, and especially if I was crying, he would come over, get on my lap if he can, and yell at both of us. (RIP July 2020, age 16) Here he is looking like he’s comatose.

Pez used to use her front paws to hold her tail up so she could groom it. I know it’s not super unusual, but she was the only one of our three who did that. (RIP November 2019, age 17+?) Here she is in the middle of a sneeze.

Murphy likes stinky socks and shoes. (Still kicking at 20+)

Leia does not want her food given to her. She wants to earn it.

Qwolck?

I need to see pics of you two!

My brother has tinnitus and sometimes doesn’t realize his voice is really loud.

As someone who works retail, I’m pretty shameless when it comes to kicking people out. I do it politely and with a smile but I have no problem telling customers we’re about to close or are closed.

What I find interesting is that in your examples I actually find the “omg” to be the redundant part.

I heard that there are 3 types of tears, and the type that comes out when we’re upset has a natural painkiller in them.

Thanks. I don’t have a prostate but incontinence is more common in women. At the first sign of a leakage problem, you bet I’m heading to the doctor right away.

Getting up to pee 2x a night

I hate that too but I’m just glad I still have enough bladder control to actually wake up for it. I dread possibly losing that someday.

I first read it that way too.